If this is reality, I'm revoking my subscription

I'm laying on the couch last night trying to coax as much air as I can from the ceiling fan and the a/c and come across a reality show on the television. I don't watch reality shows. Period. I don't care what the premise is. It could be a show about me getting to beat the hell out of all the annoying people that sign up for them and I still wouldn't watch it....although I would gladly participate. Anyway....America's Got Talent was on. If that's talent, holy shit, we're screwed. And no wonder people hate us. Hell, I hate us. There was a man dressed as Shakira, a skinny gender non-descript boy that flailed about and called it dancing and a hot girl that was a ventriloquist. Guess which one didn't make the cut for the next show? Yeah, the hot girl. Hoff or no Hoff, they just lost one more viewer. I mean, seriously, what in the hell is wrong with people that Man-kira has more "talent" than the hot chick? At least she was pleasing to look at. I doubt even a blind gay man/transsexual/desperate housewife with odd fetishes found Man-kira appealing. Christ.

Next up was some show with a title so ultimately crappy that I can't even remember it. But, it starred Joey Fat-One of NSync "fame." The point of this show was to sing the correct lyrics to a song that the "band" would start and then quit, leaving the contestant to finish it. Hey, it's a good concept. I used to like Name That Tune as a kid. To be little, I knew and learned a lot of music from that show. Yeah, I'm a dork from way back. If that tidbit excited you, feel free to email me. I'll clear my inbox now. Oh, back to the show. They're going through these songs and I'm a lyric geek, so I knew most of them. At the end, however, I was appalled at the winner who had to finish 5 songs for $50,000. 50. Thousand. Dollars. 50. 5 fucking 0. Yeah, he did it, but one of them was "Do You Love Me." Whatever. Even people that don't listen to the radio have been inundated with that song through Dirty Dancing and commercials and everything. It's hardly worth 50 thou. So, in my disgust at being smarter than him and still broke as all hell, I flipped back over to watch some stand-up comedy, because watching a fat guy make fun of himself is REAL talent, bitches.

And, thus ends my foray into network/reality television. I think I'll stick with Andy Griffith reruns from now on.