Thursday, October 25, 2007

Who ARE these ad wizards?

Remember my last foray into the world of potato chip marketing? Well, if you don't, my feelings are hurt. It was quite the expository piece.



Today, though, you have a chance to redeem yourselves as I bring you part 2(!) of Chip Marketing Tips.



These were laying in the breakroom this morning.



Now, I'm all about the buffalo wings. In fact, I like all kinds of buffalo-type treats. It's actually a lot better than beef. Wait, different topic. Moving on. I am a hot wing connoisseur (try spelling that without spellcheck). I also am a potato chip freak. Well, I was. It seems you can't get a good chip anymore, so I've resorted to plain tortillas loaded with cheese and chili and salsa. I thought to myself this morning, however, that hey, it's chips and wings combined and you haven't had breakfast yet, and it's FREE, so why not? Oh, self, you deluded bastard. This is the same self that thinks that cheese sticks make a suitable dinner. I should know not to trust him.



Seriously, though, let's examine the package together, shall we? First we have the flames signifying HOT and FLAMEY and whatever else that's supposed to mean to me. Then we have the chips themselves. Ridged, barbecue looking chips. Not bad. Good for dips and whatnot. But, let's not forget the piece de resistance! The Wing. The wing that looks half cooked and is oozing some type of red sauce that I can only assume is supposed to be "buffalo" style. I don't know about you guys, but I don't like my wings to ooze. I'm pretty much anti-oozing in all aspects of life, actually. Yeah, I'm weird like that. Sue me. I'm not sure though how I'm supposed to make the leap from an oozing wing to a chip and back and still be hungry. Diving in though undeterred, I suspend my disbelief and take a bite. They taste like salt and vinegar chips molested a bag of barbecue chips. My tastebuds kicked me in the nuts for giving them this travesty just now. Don't even get me started on the Doritos version of hot wing/bleu cheese flavour combo. It's like they threw cool ranch and regular in a bag and said hey, throw a new label on this and no one will know...they're so drunk by the time they're mauling these things that even if they do know, they won't care. Bastards.



In conclusion, it turns out that you can judge a book by its cover after all. Ha! Told you mom.

8 comments:

123Valerie said...

I have a deep and meaningful relationship to hot wings. They're, like, a part of my soul.

Did you try the "secret American" flavored Doritos?

They were in a black bag and consumers were supposed to come up with the flavor and submit a catchy name, which was kind of shoddy on Doritos' part. I mean, where's my marketing, people? How else am I supposed to know what to eat?

Anyway, they tasted like mustard and ketchup. It was weird, but not totally unenjoyable.

123Valerie said...

I have a deep and meaningful relationship to hot wings. They're, like, a part of my soul.

Did you try the "secret American" flavored Doritos?

They were in a black bag and consumers were supposed to come up with the flavor and submit a catchy name, which was kind of shoddy on Doritos' part. I mean, where's my marketing, people? How else am I supposed to know what to eat?

Anyway, they tasted like mustard and ketchup. It was weird, but not totally unenjoyable.

TK said...

Doritos are the Devil's chips. They used to be good, but their new flavors are horrid. Hess has some good stuff, but let's be real about it: Cape Cod makes the best chips in the history of the potato.

As for wings... aw, man, I looooove me some wings. I can name the best wing joint in every state I've ever visited.

onthevirg said...

If you have a Costco out there, look for their Kirkland brand kettle chips. They.Fucking.Rule. Best regular potato chip that I've had in...well, forever.

Ha Ha Sound said...

Sorry that these chips didn't meet your expectations. The packaging is horrible.

I'm not much of a wings fan, admittedly. My favorite part is always the celery dipped in bleu cheese.

Chuck said...

I gotta admit, there's something about the drip-drip of a buffalo wing that gets me. Couple that with pot and a late night in 7-11 and those chips are mine.

Jen said...

That wing on the bag made me gag a little. I've noticed the trend with snack marketing too - everything is "ultimate" or whatever. Like souped up IN YOUR FACE type marketing. Like that's going to make me buy those chips. I think not!

Lara said...

This was hilarious! That is the best analysis of a potato chip (and bag) that I have ever read. Bravo!