Friday, May 9, 2008

Love in the checkout line

Today's Friday....the best day all week. Well, except for Saturday. Saturday kicks Friday's ass because I can wake up whenever I want and then go lay on the couch and go back to sleep and not shower til later in the morning and start drinking beer whenever I damn well feel like it. Sidenote: Dear FOX: Put the Saturday baseball games on at 1:00 please. Thank you.

Anyway, back to Friday. Not only is Friday the last day of the workweek, it is also my grocery "shopping" day. Or, as it's otherwise known, "The day I try to get the girl ringing up my purchases to pity me and come over to cook for me and hook up." You see, I'm a simple man. I live alone. I love to cook but don't get too excited about it when it's just me there. So, my staple items are pretty standard stuff. In fact, I don't ever need a list when I go to the store. 2 cases of Miller High Life (or something more expensive if I'm feeling froggy), 2 frozen pizzas, random other frozen stuff, and eggs (sometimes), bread and cheese, and whatever is close to the checkout and is on sale. It's quite the cartload, believe me. I mean, really, I can't believe she's not throwing herself at me in a lusty frenzy over my obvious culinary mastery. But, whatever. She's probably gay.

But, this leads me to another point. (good thing, eh? Because grocery shopping is actually more boring to read about than do. Who would've guessed?)

Prices. Everyone's bitching about gas and all that..... Yeah, yeah. I mean, what can you do about that? Not drive? Ride a bicycle everywhere you go? Stay home from work in protest? Hell yeah. I'd love to do all that. Unfortunately, it's not feasible, so I suck it up at the pump every week.

Nay, nay. I'm talking about something more important. I'm talking about the fact that frozen pizzas have jumped over a dollar in price in the past 2 weeks and a case of cheap beer is now like $12 or more (depending where you go). Now, Mr. President, this is serious shit. I mean, it's one thing that our wonderful economy has taken a huge shit all over us and hours are being cut at work and people are being laid off. It's another thing that we can't afford to drive to work AND eat lunch. But, when you start fucking with a man's staple food items, we've got a serious problem. And, I'm pissed. I mean, even the cardboard cheap pizzas that I wouldn't hit a dog in the ass with are "on sale" for $1 each. $1, really? They surely haven't improved since I used to buy them in college 15 years ago for .50. In fact, I'm pretty sure they're EXACTLY the same. They might even be worse. Screw Exxon and Mobil and all those guys. Let's talk about the Digiorno and Miller Brewing price gouging. That's it. I'm calling a congressional investigation on this fiasco. Thanks for your help.

In other news, we had tornado warnings around here last night. That's just weird considering that I live in a valley in the mountains and not in the midwest. More importantly, however, is that these warnings interruped "My Name Is Earl" (which I normally don't watch on its regular night). The reason I'm mad about that? Alyssa Milano was on there. Dammit! From what I could see, she was looking deliciously trailer-y and hot as all hell. But, did I get to watch it? No! Instead I got to watch the local weather guy trying to figure out how to use his new fancy technology to zoom in on storm areas and then get too close and then fumble fuck around trying to zoom back out. Beautiful, I tell you. NBC, I'm calling you out too.

Despite all this, I'm SO glad it's Friday. Even if I have to forego some usual items. Because I refuse to drink any cheaper than the High Life. In fact, I could be considered a Certified Purveyor of The High Life. That is, if you want to come over and have a beer on the porch. Have a good weekend!


OmySue said...

Do you regularly go around hitting dogs in the ass with high quality pizzas?

Glad its Friday too...already devising my "good excuse" to leave a little early!

Have a great weekend!

Lioux said...

Maybe you can bring a copy of this, and 'accidentally' drop it at the register while paying for your groceries.

[innocently enough] "Oh. How did a copy of my best-selling-published-book of poetry get mixed up with all of my money."

She'll totally be impressed.

Oh. and I think frozen pizzas are made out of gas. That's why they've jumped a dollar.

Have an AWESOME weekend!

Alexa said...

i love high life!!!

it's the champagne of beers, duh!

Anonymous said...

Could be worse. In California, our genius state senators are floating the idea of adding a $1.80 tax to every six pack of beer and taxing grocery bags as well. Just what the working man needs.

Anonymous said...

Could be worse. In California, our genius state senators are floating the idea of adding a $1.80 tax to every six pack of beer and taxing us for using plastic shopping bags. Just what every working man needs. Ass hats.

country roads said...

@ harry

That's impeachment grounds right there.

And, besides, I don't even LIKE plastic shopping bags.......

Jeff said...

I love those cheap frozen pizzas. I call them pizza crackers.

Lioux said...


[Not that I'm one to talk, mind you]...

Did you fall in love with the checkout girl and run off on us?!