Can you hear me now?

Dear Sprint:

We've been together now for quite a few years, and I've become quite reliant on you. In fact, I ditched my long time phone company for you and have since not even used another service. I've always paid my bills on time and not complained about how much you rape me with this charge and that charge. You see, I'm holding up my end of our relationship. I'm trying to make this thing work. And that's the problem. You're not putting your effort into this. Things are getting very one-sided and I find myself apologizing for your behaviour all the time. I'm making excuses for you like the abused spouse does, or the non-drinking spouse at a party. Sure, you're putting in your appearances what with all the flashy towers and the bars on my phone, but I see through you. I see what you're doing when you think I'm not looking. I see the 4 or 5 bars I used to have all the time jump to 2 or even 0 repeatedly when I don't even move the phone. I know it's you that's hanging up on my friend 10 times Tuesday evening. 10, Sprint. I moved everywhere I could to try to talk and still you wouldn't cooperate. What did I do wrong? I moved into the city from the country thinking that you might be happier if we were closer. I guess not. Turns out that maybe I'm too close for comfort? I just don't know anymore. I know that I can't depend on you and that makes me sad. And furious. I've invested a lot of time and money in this relationship, but I'm afraid there are other people involved now. Verizon and Cingular are batting their eyes at me when you're pouting with no signal. They're promising free calls to my friends that are already dating them. They're lulling me with their sweet sirens' song. What's it going to be Sprint? I'm a creature of habit, and for better or worse, I'd like to save this relationship. Or be set free. Call me (if you can).

Sincerely,

J.