This is probably a mistake....

Ok, here you go.

Now that I've blown what little anonymity I had, go here to buy this masterpiece. And tell all your friends. And write reviews. And feel free to generally blow smoke up my ass. If you don't like it, well then, you can go ahead and keep those comments to yourself. hahaha! No really, I'll take all criticisms good and bad.
Thanks guys

March is the Best. Month. Ever.

What? You don't think so? Please, allow me to demonstrate why this is the greatest month all year.

1. The weather's getting warmer (albeit a little slowly).

2. There's more daylight in the evenings.

3. Today, there's a Holiday.

4. Tomorrow, there's my birthday.

5. Tomorrow, there's also another Holiday.

6. Monday, there's St. Patrick's Day (my calendar says it, so THERE.)

7. Spring starts next week.

8. I'm off next Friday.

9. Did I mention Spring already?

10. Daffodils.

So, there you have it.

Happy March!!

Dumbass, party of one?

Let me tell you what I did yesterday.......

Without going into too much detail about what I do for a living, because no one really cares (hell, I don't care most of the time), I have a big machine that essentially develops metal plates for printing. This machine has to be turned on and properly warmed up for 25 minutes every morning (sounds like a girl I used to know) before any actual work can be done. Yesterday, I come in and go through the usual routine except there's no display on the control panel. Nothing. I can hear a fan running, so I know that it's trying to run, but it won't come on. So, I sit and curse at it for 2 hours until the techs come in and I can call them. At noon, a service guy shows up. Wonderful!!! About 45 minutes later, he had it running again. The problem? I must've hit the emergency stop button first thing in the morning, thereby killing all power to the machine. He reset the button and off we went. Oops.

Why, yes, I would like fries with that.

Once more in my futile attempt to understand society and its "norms," I took advantage today of the "buy 1 jalapeno burger, get 1 free" coupon that I got in the mail last week. No, I didn't eat both of them. I don't have a deathwish. Yet. I gave the other one to a friend at work. Anyway, I get up at 4 a.m. By 10 a.m., I'm 1/2 way through my day. Do you know what happens at most people's midpoints in their day? Yep. Lunch. So, having been taught the vaulable lesson of the difference between 10 and 10:30 in the fast food world, I waited. And waited. My stomach was trying to eat my backbone. But, I understand that Breakfast is served until 10:30, at which point I can only assume all the leftover biscuits and sausages and "eggs" magically transform into stale fries and hamburgers. Hey, you only have to tell me that once. Or maybe twice, even though I know it's an argument I won't win. I once ordered lunch at 10:20 and they told me that I would have to wait until they finished with breakfast before I could get my order. 10 minutes. My response? "No problem, start cooking it now as I'm always in this damned line for 15 minutes anyway." That went over like a turd in a punch bowl. One other time? I asked for some of those lovely diced onions that only McDonald's has to be put on my sausage biscuit. She said, "we don't have those for breakfast." To which I replied "you mean, you don't have any in the whole restaurant and at 10:30, Wells Fargo brings them in or something?" Also not received well. So, imagine my surprise today when I showed up at the drive thru at 10:27, fully expecting to be shot down. This time, however, was different. After a lot of delay and some serious questioning by the clerk to her manager (really, I'm not making that up), it was decided that yes I could have a burger. The time at this point? 10:31. Time that I pulled out of the parking lot....10:45. I guess today really is my lucky day -- in some perverse parallel universe I'm guessing.

finally something to post....

I've been at a loss for something to post about recently. I can't decide if that's good, bad, or boring. I'm going with good because it means I'm not bitching about anything :-P

Nina tagged me to do this book thingy...

Directions: pick up the nearest book. Open to page 123. Type the fifth sentence on the page.


"One acquires important knowledge in the dwelling place of another generation."

Go, ahead, tag yourselves and let me know all about it :-) I promise you won't go blind from it.

no more yanky my wanky, Donger needs food

Sixteen Candles was on last night. Yes, I watched it. Most of it with the sound down because I was listening to an awesome cd that I can't remember the title of right now. Yes, it was that good. But, I digress. I'm a sucker for the 80s movies and know most of them by heart. I don't know why really. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that the actors were almost the same age as I was at the time, and I lived in a podunk town with little to no adventures and these kids were having parties and bonding in detention and stealing panties and having romantic interludes as only adolescents can. It was like a public journal of awkwardness and it was nice not to feel alone. Movies these days don't do that. They promote the good looking, cool kids who are just the right weight with the perfect hair and perfect skin. And, while I think overall that the kids today are better looking than they were 20 years ago, that's still not fair to all the kids who aren't exceptionally beautiful and/or rich and/or talented and/or whatever farce Hollywood is promoting in its latest "effort." Life's normal and plain and boring 90% of the time. Especially when you're living at home and have a curfew and chores. It's supposed to be. It prepares you for life on your own...you know when you have bills and no money and chores. If you have a crapton of excitement as a kid, you're going to be really, really disappointed when you get older and find out that working in a cube staring at a monitor and the words of other people is about as exciting as your day's going to get. Wouldn't it be more awesome if you spent your time as a teenager getting ready for the Big Day when you could break out on your own and do something important? And by do something important I mean buy beer and make grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. I'm just saying that the movies are building these kids up to think that the world's a dynamic place where all the hot girls swoon whenever you walk by and your hair is always perfect and everyone can dance/rap/paint/whatever. And, yes, people can do those things. But, it takes a lot of work and practice and hair gel. That's something that most flicks leave out. That's something that most kids don't want to do anyway. The best thing for these trouble-making kids is an afterschool job. That'll crush their dreams earlier and save them from the bitter twenty-something disillusionment that will befall them as surely as I'll have beer and grilled cheese for dinner tonight.

happy friday!